Dear Diary,
Things have really not been going smoothly for me for the past 1 week. I’ve been trying to tell myself to keep it in, keep it going, everything’s going to be okay as long as put in the effort. But I know it’s all bullshit. I can’t stand lying to myself when I know things are not going well. I can’t stand being optimistic when deep inside I’m already majorly depressed. I’m so sick and tired of feeling so exhausted and seeing myself not being able to catch up with the rest when it comes to schoolwork and exams just worsen things further. I’m feeling really really stressed up lately and it’s getting really depressing for me. Sometimes I just feel so alienated in this, it’s like nobody really understands or really genuinely cares. I’m struggling I really am struggling hard. I’ve already hit rock bottom at this current state, nobody can really see because on the surface, I try not to dwell too much into it but I know it’s already way beyond my limits. I feel lost. I don’t know where or what’s the next step to take.
Who in the right frame of mind would want to find unnecessary trouble for themselves, right? I know.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed till I feel like breaking down any moment when I think about the things I’ve to face. Just thinking about the way I got “stucked” makes me feel utterly useless. I keep telling myself soon this will be over but this phase seems like a nightmare that’s not ending. At least not anytime soon. I’m crippled. Physically and mentally. I’ll probably need help from someone or something soon. I need to find the confidence back to tackle all these one step at a time.
I need my strength.
